I want to start by saying; I got to finally see my family after over a year. I missed them like crazy and we enjoyed our Thanks Giving with all of them. Having said that, there was a closed wound that was re-opened this week while we were down. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but I will go into why this hurts so badly.
As some of you faithful readers know, my mom was taken from us 9 years ago. She was about to become a grandmother, but never made it to see the birth of her 1st grandchild nearly nearing on 9 years ago. Now, when my mother first passed away, I didn't cry a lot because I felt I had the least amount of reasons to grieve. I kept it together for my Dad & Sister because they were closest to my mom. What DID make me finally loose it was knowing that she would never physically meet and participate in her grandchildren's lives. Especially since she wanted those grandbabies MORE THAN ANYTHING! My mom was starting to develop some serious gramma envy of her 3 older sisters. She was even spoiling her sisters' grandbabies!
Having said that, My son does have at least one living grandmother on his father's side, but she's decidedly not present in my son's life except through birthday and Christmas presents. She lives all the way in Utah and Luke has hardly any idea that she exists save for the fact that she calls and we tell him that she's his grandmother. If we point to a picture of his living grandparents, he'll pick-out my dad and my husband's dad and says "That's Grampa Jack and Grampa Wilson" but when it comes to her, he draws blanks. Like my mom, it's like she's not alive in his life.
With this, my heart breaks. Growing-up, my grandmother has always been there for me. When a mysterious person ruined our life by telling CPS that I was a danger to my son and forced our family to drop everything, including my husband's successful and rapidly advancing job with a local convenience store chain (he was just months away of becoming a store manager and most likely even get a position with the head office), and move back into a life of depression, serious lack of job security, and monthly worries of "Is this the month we lose our home?", my grandmother and grandfather were the only people who were willing to take us in regardless of their own financial situation. They took us in new baby and all. No one else in either of our families were willing to take us in.
I've always had happy memories of playing with my cousins at her house. My family spent a LOT of holidays at her house including Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas Eves & Christmases. My grandmother would babysit my sister and me, even let us spend the night some weekends because my mom would need time for herself. She came to a lot of my concerts and a few marching band events when I was a young teen. She was there for me when I first broke my wrist roller skating in 3rd grade. Heck, she was the one who picked-up my sister & me from the rink! She even took me in for a few months when I was 18 and was just having an out with my parents while I enrolled myself in an entirely different high school for a while.
|This is my grandmother today!|
Just kidding. But whomever's gramma she is,
you had an AWESOME childhood!
But one day he will. He will ask me where Gramma Barb is or why Gramma Smith visits and loves her other grandson more than him. It will break my heart and those are answers I just don't want to give but I know they will happen and all I can do next is just prepare my answers ahead of time. Until then, we just continue to carry-on as he assumes that his maternal great-grandmother is his real grandmother.