19 April 2014

My Roller Derby Dream

I have found a new past-time and it is brutal!

A short while or so after my son was born, an old-school extreme sport was brought back from the grave.  That sport was The Roller Derby!  I noticed this one day when riding through downtown Spokane on the bus that The Lilac City Roller Girls were recruiting members.  My first thought was, huh...whatever.  Eventually, more and more fliers were posted and eventually, they were listing times for "Jams" and whom they were playing against.  

The name may be flowery,
but damn if they don't
play like beasts!
Eventually, we move back to our hometown of the Tri-Cities and sure enough, they also have a Roller Derby team!

Bringing the Boom!

So then I was intrigued over how this sport worked.  About the only thing I knew was that it involved a bunch of gals skating in classic 2X2 wheeled skates beating each other up.  From that point, I just had to do my research.  Thanks to a little indie flick starring Juno (Ellen Page), I found that it's not exactly what I thought!  Here's how Roller Derby Works...

forgive my lack of proper lingo.
I'm going to explain this the best I can.

You have a have 2 "Jammers", 1 from each team.  Then you have about 3 or 4 other gals from each team on the track to form what I'm going to call (for lack of the proper term) a "Herd".  Everyone starts at the 1st line with the Jammers behind them.  At the start, everyone proceeds to skate around the track counter-clockwise.  The Jammers have to break through the pack, go around the track BACK to the heard and try to break through one more time to score.  It is up to the Jammers how many times they want to break through until the round/Jam is over.  To signal the end of the Jam, one of the Jammers have to tap their hips.  They can "Tap-Out" at any time during the Jam to end it.  Usually, the first Jammer to break through and score points will immediately tap out just to be a particular bitch and prevent the other Jammer to score points.

Here's a happy little video to explain visually what the hell I'm talking about...

Now that I had really seen (via a fictional movie) what this sport really was about, I REALLY wanted to see a match!  Sadly, every time there was a derby going on, I would neither have the time, money, or way to get to go see it!  Booooo!

As we all know, we did make it back here to Spokane and now they have two Roller Derby teams:  The Lilac City Roller Girls, and now the Spokannibals!

Eat It!
Not only does my city now have two teams, they also host a start of the Derby Year event called "Spokarnage"!

Hells Yes!
Well, guess who has 2 thumbs and got to finally go root for the home teams?  DIS KNERD MOM RIGHT HERE!  Also, I found that when their recruitment posters say "We accept everyone" THEY WEREN'T JOKING AROUND!  Aside from the fact that they had teams as far out as across the US/Canadian border, there were women on those teams damn near the same size as myself!  

I have a confession, I daydreamed about joining the derby after watching Juno kick-butt in her movie, but figured it was a pipe-dream because my size would hold me back.  After yesterday afternoon, I now REALLY want to make this happen!  I've got to!  So what's holding me back?


Until this kid can take care of himself or I can find someone to take him free the nights I have practice or need to leave for Derbies, I'll have to keep dreaming.

14 April 2014

How to Celebrate Easter "Non-Believer" Style!

Easter.  That magical time of year where our Christian friends SLAM our Facebook feeds with terms of "He has risen" or "He's still alive!"  He, of course being Doctor Who.  As for those who just celebrate Easter because it's just one more holiday you get to chow on masses amount of sugar, but with the added bonus of cholesteral in the form of Hard Boiled Eggs, it's just another semi-meaningless holiday, isn't it?  I just can't do meaningless.  Each holiday has it's reasons and I'd hate to celebrate one when I don't even have enough respect to even research why it's even being celebrated in the first place.  So, I'm going to give you all a fantastic reason to fully enjoy this holiday.

Let's go back to pagan roots and really celebrate what Easter is meant to be about; The Spring Equinox.  Now, I'm not saying lets all get nekid and dance around bonfires with wreaths of fancy flowers on our heads.  That's just a level of freak I'm just not prepared for nor the mental image you need.  Especially since most of you readers are parents of young children (my demographic) and may scar your little ones with such practices.  Just got a cold chill thinking of that!  For those of us who don't want to teach our kids about "The Resurrection of Hesus Cristo", then let's make this a celebration of the end of winter and the welcoming of Spring.  Nobody is really all that sure as to why we have a rabbit hiding eggs is relevant to Jesus coming out of a tomb, but it makes a little more sense in terms of the rabbit is bringing new life all over.  Eggs just happen to be a good example of bringing life into the world!

With that, here are some photos of great and nerdy inspration on how to decorate your eggs with your children this year for Easter!  Feel free to pin these pics on Pinterest for ideas closer to egg decorating time!

28 March 2014

Independence Day: A Story of the Mom I Strive To Be

I miss my mom a lot.  Coming this 4th of July it will mark the 10 year anniversary of her passing.  I'm trying not to get ferklempt thinking about it.  Since the 4th of July of 2004, I have done a lot of growing, thinking, reflecting, and even life changes.  One of the bigger thought processes came to me less than a year after she died.  I came to a realization that my mom, as cool as a lot of our friends and cousins thought of her as, kept us from being fully independent adults.

Now, don't get me wrong here.  Mom was all about us doing our own thing, for the most part.  As long as we told her where we were, what we were doing, and who we were doing it with, we were fine.  It was more along the lines of if we failed in what we were doing, then she'd give us a talking to, threaten to tell Dad, and then bail us out of what trouble we were in.  I, myself, hardly ever got in trouble unless it involved grades, but then again I had the fear of "Barb" in me.  I was too damn scared to DO anything let alone do any "Bad" things with friends until I was 18.  18 definitely was my magic age of being a little shit....ahem...but more on that another post!

My sister on the other hand, she was a HUGE trouble maker!  Don't ask me how many times she's ever snuck out to hang-out with friends and do..well..whatever, but she did it with the knowledge that Mom had her back.  That and there was little my sister did in her teens that my mom didn't.  Our mom was fun back in her day!

With that, it wasn't even us she had a wide "Barb Net" under, she extended that net to our cousins and even my pseudo-sister (my sis' bff at the time)!  There was nearly a year where one of our cousins lived with us because she was in a bad family situation.  Mom took in her older sister a handful of years later.  She even mothered another cousin of ours when she moved into town to go to school!  She also played Doula to the same cousin and the OLDEST sister of the previously mentioned sisters when they had the brunt of their kids.  Heck, my mom was a anxious mess when one of my male cousins joined the Air Force and was deployed to the middle east leaving behind his wife and kids.

I'm sure some of you are thinking "Well, that's a good mom for you!  Always putting her kids safety first above all!" and you're right.  My mom was a good mom, regardless of the personal issues I had with her which is a story not conducive to this one.  It's just that there's a point where casting that wide of a safety net for your kids and the kids you've adopted into your life becomes more of a hindrance than actual progress.  Let me explain; I was in a parasitic relationship, in a matter of speaking.  I tried leaving the guy while at Job Corps because being away from him I had a moment of clarity.  I realized that he was holding me back from reaching my potential.  I didn't need him to make me feel complete.  I was also having a lustful rendezvous with another student (no sexy time, just other stuff which I'm not proud of).  At one point, I broke off our engagement which went to shit because I just HAD to go see how he was doing.  He looked like crap and I was suckered back into the relationship by both our mothers.  When I graduated, my mother forced my hand for us to get married.  She made all the plans, all but picked out my wedding dress pattern, all but completely picked my flowers, and then everything else.  She was the bridezillah.  I ended up being the bride as the single most worst wedding I had ever been to.  This eventually lead to a marriage of obligation and total reliance by him.  He needed me to work and make money so he could sleep all day and play video games.  He wouldn't do laundry, dishes, clean up the litter box, hell, he wouldn't even bathe unless I nagged him to.  I even had to remind him to take his pills.  If I didn't remind him (because I was seeing if he'd even remember on his own, testing the waters of self-reliance) he'd fail nearly every time and have a seizure less than 24  hours later (he has epilepsy).  But my mom was there to send us food when we didn't have any.  She would remind me that this was who I married so suck it up.  She, as I found out later, was even against us having children!

So when she died and I had my hard wake-up call, I went to counseling for my grief the next year.  Through that counseling, I realized that I was too young to be stuck where I was.  No one was keeping me from failing on my own.  My dad even made it clear he sure as heck wasn't going to help us anymore!  Then one day, I came home with just the worst aching feet from working my 2nd job and realized I needed to fail.  That afternoon, I ended our marriage.  That started a chain reaction of tries and fails until I met my current (and final husband.  Just telling you all that now).  If my mom was around during all that, she would have went out of her way to make me quit my bitching and live with my life choice of marrying that man.  She would have continued to send us food and prevent us from having children.  Even if I did muck through and still divorced him, she would have found a way to keep me from moving to Spokane the 1st time.  I know that if she were still on this Earth, I wouldn't have been able to fail as hard as I have these past 10 years to get to the point where I couldn't pick myself back up like the grown-ass woman I am.  I wouldn't have Matt because of his Mormon roots nor would I have Luke because she'd still be convinced that I wouldn't make it as a mother.

I am now 5 years into this "Mom" thing and as much as I love my mom and the kind of mom she was, I strive not to be like her.  Not because I couldn't stand her because I did love her.  It's because of that wide safety net that prevented us from the major fails in our lives.  So, if you see my kid jumping on our furniture, acting like a spaz, playing outside near our busy street, among a myriad of other things that parents these days would FLIP-OUT over because of this generation's Hover Parenting technique, it's because I want my son to be able to fail and learn on his own how to get himself out of situations.  Well, if he gets hit by a car or break a bone, of course I'll call 911, I'm referring to life situations.  

25 March 2014

lgBt...Life with a B!

I was inspired to write this post based on this blog post from "Single Dad Laughing"
Here's the Side I'm Going to Choose  I want to add to this from the perspective of the spouse of a bisexual person.

It is no big secret...hell, it's NO secret that my husband is bisexual.  He's out and proud and yes, he's married to a woman.

The biggest message I want known is that by marrying someone, it did NOT mean he finally declared which team he will be playing for.  It means he found that someone he wanted to spend his life with.  He found a person who accepts him for him and everything he is (not was.)  Okay, as I'm typing this, I realize I'm tooting my own horn and I SWEAR I'm not trying to stroke my own ego in this!

I understand that there is stigma to the word "Bisexual".  Hell, I'll even admit that I once assumed that Bi-Sexual was code for "I'm totally gay, but I just don't want to come out yet."  For a lot of people I met in my late teens/ Early 20's that was TOTALLY the case.  It wasn't until I met my husband that I fully understood what Bi-Sexuality really IS something.  How he puts it is really profound.

"I find both Men & Women equally attractive.  What's wrong with seeing everyone as beautiful in their own way?"

I also want it put that Bi-Sexuality does NOT mean someone is extra-promiscuous, either!  I have no doubt in my mind that my husband is completely true to me.  Sure, I know he looks.  I've seen him look.  I've caught him looking.  Hell, I'VE LOOKED WITH HIM!  We've commented on a few guys' asses!  Just because we look doesn't mean we're going to touch.  The hubs is 100% faithful to me because we have the same commitment and promises to each other.  That and with a  young child and him working as an Aid in a Nursing Home, we're both just too damn tired to try anything with anyone.

In the end, what matters about my husband is that he's a great father, awesome husband, and is an all around wonderful man who isn't afraid to be true about himself.  He's secure in himself where it counts and that's all that matters to me.

That, and he's fun to watch RuPaul's Drag Race with.  If you can't love yourself, then how in the HELL can you love anyone else?  Can I get an amen?

15 February 2014

Former Child Actors Who Won!

When he was famous at age "Still Cute"

In his early 30's looking like an extra
in "Breaking Bad".

For the record, the above child actor, Macauly Culkin, isn't a winner.  In fact, he currently does voice-overs for shows like "Family Guy" & "Robot Chicken" because he's BFF's with fellow child actor, Seth Green.

Did you just say, Seth Green was a child actor?
Yes I did.

All we need left is Sara Michelle Gellar

Knerd Mom has just won the internets.

So this brings up an interesting line of thought:  We hear so much about how child actors fail as they become full grown adult actors.  While statistically overwhelmingly true this is, let's think on those who continued acting and are THRIVING in the same profession!

Notably, I would like to start with my very first celebrity crush, Elijah Wood.

Not 30-something Elijah.  Sure, he's nerd cute, still makes my
heart skip a beat, but is now kinda creepy looking...

For those of you 20-ish and younger, this was Frodo when he was a wee-hobbit.  Hell, this was back when he was doing feel good, heart warming movies about precocious little boys who always did the right thing, as quirky and sweet as he did those roles.  This pic, however, was not from one of those movies.  This was from a thriller movie called "The Good Son" which, yes, starred Macauly Culkin.  Hint:  I'd ask if you can tell who played which son, good or bad, but seriously; the pic pretty much answers that.  

Eventually, Elijah was under the radar for a while, or did indie flicks through his teen years.  As most people assume, we all figured this kid just did the right thing and retired with his sweet dignity in tact to finish school and go off to college.  Then this movie came out:

EDubb as "Kevin" the creeper from
the movie "Sin City".  This started his
type casting in many indie film
roles as "The Creeper"
From here, he started flourishing as an adult actor and is now known as "Frodo  Baggins" to the Geeks...
and "Ryan" from the TV show, "Wilfred" to the stoners.

Now let's go a little further back in time to a legend-wait for it-dary child actor who's intelligence knew no bounds...or rather, his character's.  
Haa-ave you met  Ted?
The Man.  The Myth.  The Trifecta that is Neil Patrick Harris!  Not only was he a famous...like famous child actor in the 1980's, but he became the man who "Wrote" the Bro-Code as Barney Stinson, Chairman of the Magicians Guild, AND to top it all off AN OUT AND PROUD HOMOSEXUAL MAN who is happily married to his soul mate whom he also is raising a beautiful set of twins (boy/girl) with!
So much win, I'm surprised they let me post this pic.
As a matter of fact, I still remember sitting at home on a weekend with my mom watching either "The Purple People Eater" and "Clara's Heart".  Both of which feature a  young NPH.  

But let's not forget some of our more successful females who succeeded without following in the footsteps of Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears.

As a matter of fact, this lady couldn't be more of a polar opposite from these gals.  Can you guess from this pic whom I refer to?
If you say Keira Knightly, you're fired.
Natalie Portman.  Fun Fact: When filming Star Wars: Phantom Menace, she was still a child at the age of 14!  By the time the movie finally played, she was a senior in high school!  Looks-wise, she has hardly changed.  But as an actress, she keeps getting better and better.  Heck, she went to... (searches IMDb ...HOLY CRAP!  SHE'S 4 DAYS OLDER THAN ME!) Harvard of all places!  Now you can see her in some great roles such as "The Black Swan" (where you can see her have sexy times with Mila Kunis.  Aw yeah!), The other 2 Star Wars Prequels, V for Vendetta, both Thor Movies, and feel good Novel turned Movie "Where the Heart Is."

That last one, actually, you'll want to read the book instead.  So much more stuff in it that makes the story FANTASTIC than what the movie has to offer.  But if not, watch the movie without reading the book.  Still a great flick!

Well, this is starting to get a bit long-winded, but here is a list of other evolved child-to-adult actors to check-out and say "Oh yeah!  They did that one movie when they were little!"

*Jodie Foster (one of my favorites.)
*Haley Mills
*Kirsten Dunst
*Drew Barrymore
*Christina Ricci
*Joseph Gordon-Levitt
*Leonardo DiCaprio
*Christian Bale
*Ron Howard (child actor now FAMOUS Director.  How's that for winning?)
*Hayden Panatier
*Daniel Radcliff & Emma Watson. (Not Rupert Everet so much.  He's on the indie scene right now)
*Shia LeBeuf (though his stock recently has been on the decline)
*Miyam Bialik (with a LONG hiatus between her hit shows!)
*Wil Wheaton
*Sara Gilbert
*Sarah Chalke
*Christian Bale
*Alissa Milano
*Anna Paquin
*Scarlet Johansen
*Elizabeth Taylor (how's that for getting old school?)
*Judy Garland (bam!  OGx2!)
*Brook Shields
*Michael J. Fox
*Macauly Culkin (GTFO!)
*Kieran Culkin (Mac's little bro.  Yup.  He acted as a child and currently acts as a grown-up.  Watch "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World".  He's the gay roommate.)

Go to www.imdb.com to research ANY of these child actors gone right.  You'd be surprised ;)

20 January 2014

Fighting for Equality since the Civil War

First I have to say this:

At the time I write this, it has been over 24 hours since they won the play-offs with the San Francisco 49ers and are now preparing for Super Bowl XLVIII.  The final battle is with the Denver Colts.  Lots of Memes going up over the legal weed states playing against each other.  For example...


Now that that's out of my system, today is Martin Luther King Jr. day.  Now, granted Black History month isn't until February (and why it wasn't sanctioned in January where the actual MLKjr day is assigned), I just want to take this time and honor the more impressive moments in history that helped shape not just our country's fight for equality for all race of people, but every TYPE of person!

This was considered "Racially Diverse" by 1990's standards.
I know.  I can't keep a straight face either!
First, I want to start with the white slave traders all the way back in the very beginnings of US history.  Without their grand money making scheme of selling other, more visually colorful humans to "Rich White Folk", we couldn't start this process.  As far was we understand, back during those times, those people were still convinced that Black skin was the "Mark of Cain" so it was okay to treat them as nothing more than lower-inelegance work mules; they were just people shaped.  Sure, I get that.  I think that's completely moronic, justified, and cruel thinking, but that was the culture those early Americans were raised under.  Look what they did to the Native Americans.  The just straight out slaughtered, enslaved, and even "Bred-Out" a HUGE chunk of them from this land!  Seriously, I'm white and I'm not too proud to say that I am VERY ashamed of my race.


I rest my case.
So, after a few generations of this torture and torment of these very hard working people, who is there to rise like a super hero to lead them North to the closest thing to freedom they're going to find?

Harriet Tubman: The original "Wonder Woman"
Not only was she one of the most widely knowing catalysts of equality, SHE WAS A WOMAN!  Which, if you paid attention in your US History class would know that in itself is a HUGE taboo.  Speaking of woman issues...

Lets discuss Suffrage.

After Harriet's freedom train come & gone and a white man (Lincoln) issued the Emancipation Proclamation, we fast forward a few more generations to the late 1800's - early 1900's women's movement in the efforts to bring the right to vote to the female masses!  At this point, only adult men (before 18 year olds got the voting okay) were allowed to vote.  Even Black Men were barely given the okay to vote, but weren't really encouraged to, unless a politician was REALLY looking for a clear victory, I'm sure.  Regardless, I feel Women's rights to vote was more of a power issue.  Men had power, women didn't.  To give women the right to vote was pretty much saying that they got to have an opinion differing that of their fathers and/or husbands.  Though slavery by this point had been more or less abolished and an illegal practice, women were more or less slaves to their husbands & families.  To give them a vote meant to allow them to leave the house for more reason than to take their children to school & back, to pick-up food and items from the market, or to go to church.  It wasn't until 1920 that women finally got the right to vote.  This event finally lead to woman just breaking down ALL SORTS of barriers that prevented them from becoming equal to men.  It was this drive and push for equality for women that lead to another woman standing (or rather, sitting) for her right to do as she pleased because SHE most likely had a hard day working on her feet and did NOT want to get up and move to the back of the bus!

This is Rosa Parks' mug shot taken shortly after she REFUSED to move into a different seat for a lazy-ass white man who couldn't bother to sit in a different open seat.  This woman's single act was the starting point for a WHOLE RACE of Americans to finally fight for the respect they absolutely deserved!  Black people all over the Untied States (and in a most severe way in the South) were kept separate from the White folks.  Did I say Black?  It was more like ANYONE whose skin wasn't between the shades of Irish & Greek/Italian.  If you're from my generation (born between the mid 70's to Late 80's) or later, then you grew-up being immersed in the images of yester-year where "unruly" dark skinned people are getting hosed down for not doing as they were told, Public Buildings with "White" & "Colored" entry doors, even little things like water fountains clearly marked "White" & "Colored".  We see this now and we shake our heads thinking "Seriously.  How archaic and uneducated these people were.  How could they do that to other human beings?"  For those who lived it and are still alive today to speak it, they can tell you JUST how it was done and how everyday it was to live during those times.  Luckily, one man finally said "Nope.  I'm done."

MLK was Mr. Rogers before Mr. Rogers was Mr. Rogers
Yeah, we've seen the photos of how ugly the marches got, people getting beat, and folks being lynched.  The latter only if you were unfortunate to have seen those pics.  But did you know that MLK's quest for Civil Rights was a peaceful one?  Oh yeah.  MLK had been arrested, beat, arrested, shut-down, arrested, sued, and so on QUITE A FEW TIMES I'm sure!  He never took violent actions against ANYONE!  From what he preached (yup, dude was also a pastor) that would just be completely counter-productive to what he was trying to accomplish.  He was right.  Sadly enough, the man was assassinated before he could see his hard earned efforts come to fruition.  On a happier note, the US did finally pull their heads out of their butts and saw the light of MLK's message.  Eventually, The Entire Nation adapted to desegregation and civil rights for all!  Yeah, it took a few decades to perfect, but minds don't just change over night.  So, now it's the 2000's and everyone is treated equally, right?  Not quite yet...

Marriage Equality
a cause near and dear to my heart
The final frontier.  This one started out on an awkward note when a man was bitten by a monkey in Africa brought home the soon to be pandemic AIDS virus.  To make things worse, he was Gay.  At that point, in 1980, we knew approximately nothing about the disease except that The Gays got it.  And how did we know when someone was gay?  THEY GOT THE AIDS, THAT'S HOW!  Freddy Mercury got AIDS from one of his lovers and ultimately had to come-out world wide when he was nearing the end.  Robert Reed (the original Mr. Brady of The Brady Bunch) was forced to come-out when he contracted it and like Freddy, died.  Even the Great Rock Hudson, whom MANY women had the major hots for got the huge let down when he got AIDS and came out.  He, too died from the disease.

Aside from the mass outings of many celebrities and average citizens who got the disease, a decade or so passed and we learned more about what AIDS really was about and how it works.  For those who still are innocent of how it's contracted, blood to blood or via insemination is how it works.  Having said that, Lesbians aren't widely known to get AIDS nearly as often as Gays, but it's not impossible.  Straight people can also get AIDS.  And you don't have to get them JUST by having sex, either.  That's a discussion for another post.

At that point, the damage had been done and segregation was replaced by Homosexual Discrimination.  MANY people, even to this day can legally be fired for being openly homosexual, though those numbers are dwindling due to laws being written against it.  Churches are turning away former members for coming out.  Hell, there are families who think Homosexuality is something that can be "Rehabilitated".  I promise you, it's not.  Suicide statistics prove that one for sure!  So what's the equality issue of our generation?


Our state (Washington) is one of the very 1st to legalize Same Sex marriages!  in 2012 to be exact!  I even made sure to vote that year as a matter of fact.  Homeless or not, babysitter or no, I bundled up my son and we went to our county voters center and I placed my vote.  I'm proud to say I was one of the voices that loudly and proudly stated "I want EVERYONE to be able to marry the person THEY choose and not who society SAYS they should choose!"  Now, in 2014 more and more states in the USA are legalizing Homosexual Marriage!  It's become such a mainstream issue and it's being proven time and time again that the LGBT community is not out to corrupt or convert, but to change minds and function among the rest of humanity because they are, in fact humans.  Gee, sounds like a people I spoke of earlier in this post.  Doesn't it?

So, here's to Harriet Tubman, Suffragettes, MLK, and all the rest who have fought for EVERYONE to have their chance to prove that they are just as human as the rest of us.  Because if we look like a human, talk like a human, and function like humans, then why let the little differences keep us from being treated like humans?

and now, some quotes from the whole civil rights/equality package herself...

11 January 2014

Spiritual Outcast

Growing up, I REALLY hated going to church.  Sunday school, I had no problem with.  I had more "friends" there than I did in school.  I think what I dreaded the most was just sitting through the sermons.  Nothing against the church pastor.  As a matter of fact, I still to this day have mad respect for Pastor Phil.  I just couldn't get behind Christianity and how literally it's followers takes the bible.

Eventually, my parents stopped fighting me & my sister in making us go to church.  We would still attend  youth group on Wednesdays, mostly because it was easy for my sister to skip-out of and I still had friends there I could talk to, but as far as actual service, I was persona non grata.  

I finally graduated high-school, got a job, and moved out into my own.  That was the year that I discovered that Christ based churches weren't the only ones in the Tri-Cities!  I finally discovered "The Divine Fellowship".  For the first time in my life, I had found a place that had welcomed my questions in faith, let me believe in the mystical, and even helped me develop my spiritual gifts!  I was so happy yet, I felt so out of place.  For starters, I was probably the youngest independent person there.  Secondly, I was used to being around people I grew-up with.  I had peers at my old church that were my age, grade, and knew-ish who I was so I was totally comfortable.  Lastly, it was blatantly obvious that this wasn't a Christian church by a LOT of means!

After a few years going on and off, I finally felt warm in the waters of the place and could finally go on a regular basis!  Sure, there was a time I moved to Spokane for a year and a half, had JUST started a family, and was forced back to the Trikes, but Divine Fellowship was there to help our family feel like we were back home and into a groove.  They welcomed us (especially me) with loving arms.  They were the best 4 years of our lives.  Then came the loss of Matt's job, our home, and our sudden move back to Spokane.  At that point, we had grown so accustomed to going to church again, that we tried like crazy to find a church of similar faith.  I had come to discover Unitarianism.

How to describe Unitarianism.  Take the spirituality of Paganism but mix in the principals of Christianity.  The church I ultimately chose was "Unity Spiritual Center" here in Spokane.  It was different in how they ran things and what they preach than from DF's practices, but not so different that I couldn't at least enjoy services and more or less feel what their reverend was talking about.  Having said that, there was one small snag in my going to church there;  my son is a total spaz.  

I'm going to fast forward to why I'm writing this post.  When we (specifically my son & I) started going to Unity, he had just turned 4 years old.  Per their curriculum, he was in his last year in the nursery.  Also know, that whole year, my son was gung-ho against going potty like a big boy.  It seemed like every Sunday it was something upon picking him up.  Either he wet himself, he hit yet another child, he would hide in the nursery when it was time to line-up and come out to the sanctuary for end of service songs, and so on.  So, come this past summer and it was time for their version of VBS (Vacation Bible School).  I was able to sneak Luke in because he was just a few weeks shy of the 5 year old age.  He was in under the condition that I attend with him and "Shadow" him.  This meant that I was to be on him like white-on-rice.  Sadly, this back-fired horribly!  He wouldn't listen, he was a complete monster, and at one point, they had to give me a break because I was about to have an utter break-down!

A week after "VBS", the director of the Sunday School program took me aside and informed me that after Luke turns 5, he will be too old for the nursery.  Unfortunately, he is just "too spirited" to be in the preK-Kindergarten Sunday School class.  Unless I stayed with him in the class itself, he cannot come to Sunday School.  That's right, my preschooler was kicked out of Sunday School before he even started.  Because of my husband's work schedule at the time, that meant I couldn't go to church either.  I hadn't been so upset in my life from being excluded from something.  I think what hurt me the most, was that this was my 3rd religious group in a row I was rejected from.  What made this particularly painful was this time, it wasn't for my beliefs, but for my child, whom I created, which I raised.  I had never felt like such a complete and utter failure in my life.  Because of this, I would later become fearful with my son's teachers at Head Start.  God bless Teacher Lisa, though.  When it seems his attitude at school is getting too much, she continually assures me that he will NOT get kicked-out or held-back for any reason.  

That was back in September.  It's now January.  Last Sunday, I had the courage to come back to  Unity.  Matt has a new work schedule so he can watch Luke at home while I went to service.  Going back after my son getting rejected was one of the scariest things I ever had to do.  My fear wasn't fear in the sense of being scared of the unexpected.  My fear was a mix of anger, anxiety, and sadness.  My hope was I went, saw some familiar faces, and have someone say "You know, we would love for you to bring Luke back.  It's been a few months and if he's really mellowed out since going to school, we would love for him to attend Sunday School again unsupervised."  What happened was a few people saying "Hi" to me, my awkward smiles & waves, and even the lady who booted my son out told me "Hi Lori", in which I gave a tense wave.  It took everything in me not to break-down and cry at the memory.

I just don't know if I can go back there tomorrow (Sunday).  I'm going to try this Unitarian Universalist church tomorrow to see how I like that.  From how my Hubs put it, it's a little more "structured" and "traditional" than Unity.  I don't even know if I'm going to like it.  I doubt it.  As they say, there's only one way to find out.  If this doesn't work-out, I don't know.  I just REALLY need my weekly spiritual fix, I just don't know if I can handle any more rejection from any more religious groups.